Friday, March 28, 2008

Contentedness?

In my bible study group we are reading a book about being content in our lives. I often wonder, will I be content to never be a mom? That has been, and still is, the one thing I want most in my life. When relationships were not working out for me and I was pondering being single forever, I always knew that even if I didn't ever find a husband, I still wanted to be a mom. I always had this timeline for myself, and though the timeline has disappeared, the desire to be a mom still exists. And so I wonder...will I be content if I cannot have a child of my own? Dave and I have already talked about this...we know that if it's not God's will for us to be parents on our own, we'll foster and/or adopt. And since it's just the beginning of our journey, it's not something that weighs heavily on my mind yet. I know that life as a Christian has eased a lot of my anxieties, and knowing and believing that God has a plan for me and that He will work things out has helped me a lot...but I also know that my faith hasn't been tested in a very major way yet, and I do wonder if I will still be happy and at peace if my wish for a baby is not fulfilled. I've always believed that no other accomplishment would ever be greater than the accomplishment of being a parent. All of my brothers and sisters have now experienced the joy of being a parent..and I know that both my parents and Dave's parents are looking forward to experiencing gramma and grandpahood through us. So I guess this isn't an anxiety for me yet, but is something I have to keep my heart in check about because I know that it could turn into something I become very preoccupied with.

Dear Lord, Please help me to remember that You have a plan for us, and that You will give us everything we need when the time is right. It is easy to remember this now, but please help me to stay grounded in You and not get caught up in my worldly wants. I put my trust in You. Amen.

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