things i miss

don't get me wrong...mommyhood is wonderful. there are, however, some things i sometimes miss...

• lounging around all day without a care in the world...reading my book, watching tv, taking naps.
• leaving the house with just my purse...and not a purse stuffed with diapers, wipes, boogie wipes, toys, snacks, etc.
• eating dinner at the same time as dave
• showering with dave
• sleeping next to dave
• watching a movie at home, all the way through, with dave

i'm sure some of these things will happen again once the kids are older...

parenthood...

i just read an article about seven things they never tell new parents and it got me to thinking...

i can't really remember how dave and i felt before caleb was born....like the anxiety and excitement. i know we felt pretty clueless, and still do most of the time. if i could go back to that time, i wonder if anything anyone said would have made any difference.

everyone says that nothing can prepare you for baby. it's true. nothing could have prepared me for the sheer panic of having this little baby (okay, caleb was never a little baby, but you know what i mean) that you are solely responsible for. leaving the hospital is scary...you wanna stay there where you at least have the comfort of trained professionals helping you along.

nothing prepares you for sleeping no more than an hour straight for days on end. nothing prepares you for an incessantly crying baby who you can't console. nothing can prepare you for the pain/frustration of breastfeeding, or the feelings of guilt/failure if you can't and have to bottle feed. nothing can prepare you for the hormonal imbalance you go through after birthing a child. nothing can prepare you for the pain of childbirth, or the afterpains of childbirth.

sounds so scary, right? it is. and although i haven't magically forgotten the pains, like so many moms say is what happens, i would gladly go through all of those pains to have these two in my life. that first time baby smiles at you, when you realize that nothing but your touch/smell/sound can soothe your baby, holding your sleeping baby and looking at their calm, peaceful, contentedness...it's all worth it.

watching the development of these two little people, who started off as little fuzzies in the ultrasound picture, is awe-inspiring...having them is the best kind of scary ever.

empty nest...

so my 18 year old nephew officially left for his basic training today. we thought he was leaving yesterday but apparently the flight was pushed back to today. he called from the airport to say he was leaving...bittersweet because we know he wanted to do this and we know that in this economy, the military is a good option, but it's still sad.

when we dropped him off at the hotel the other night and said our goodbye's, i was surprised that i got choked up. when we drove away i actually teared up and felt that soreness in my chest. i didn't think i'd be emotional at all, but he's my youngest nephew (wait, not really, but my youngest nephew of the three that i used to spend a lot of time with) so i guess it's understandable.

it got me to thinking...how in the heck will i be able to stand when caleb and brynna leave for college? how does any parent function when their babies leave? i still get sad when the kids go with their grandparents on sundays! my sister has been torn up about my nephew leaving...he's her baby and now all three boys are out of the house. my sister had my first nephew when she was 19...i told my mom that she's never had a life without them so it's going to be super hard for her. man. i better treasure these 18 years because i'm sure they'll fly by and soon i'll be bawling my eyes out when they leave for college!

togetherness

spring break was a lot of good togetherness time. being with the kids all day is interesting and fun. i should have written about things we did during the break, but i just didn't feel like it...and now my post-preggos memory fails me yet again. lol.

i do remember that we went to the doctor because both kids had runny nose and an ugly cough. brynna had an ear infection again and caleb also had some kind of infection so both are on antibiotics right now.

my nephew came to stay with us for a little bit and it was cool to see how quickly brynna warmed up to him because she usually takes a while. he got to see firsthand what life with two kids is like, so i hope it serves as birth control for him...hehe. he didn't much like hearing brynna cry for twenty minutes at 2 a.m. lol. since my nephew is army-bound (he just left for basics....i'll talk about that in another post), he wanted to go the army museum in waikiki. who goes there? tourists and nobody, and for good reason. caleb enjoyed himself, but my nephew and i were less than thrilled. good thing it was free.

we invited ourselves over to aunty leish's house for lunch one day and caleb got to show off his new truck toys while brynna showed that she can eat a nerf basketball...lol. after lunch we headed to town for dave's dentist appt and i attempted to peruse crafting stuff at ben franklin with the two kiddies...not really a great experience, but luckily they were semi-well-behaved.

took them to the playground a couple times and they both love it. once the weather starts cooperating more we'll be able to go more often.

took them to discovery center, which they both loved. we have to look into getting a yearly membership...at this age, that place is the bomb for both of them so we better take advantage while we can cuz after five years old i think they'll be over it.

besides that we just cruised and enjoyed the time with them. they were happy to have their baba back at the end of the week and have adjusted faster than i thought they would (or hoped they would...hehe) to us being back at work.

youtube addict

caleb is a youtube addict.

he was very into watching this stupid "mad cow - i love to moo" video.

then it was basketball trick shots.

now it's watching construction equipment. soooo entranced by these things. and he's telling us, "look, an excavator! no, a backhoe. ooh, a loader!" really, really excited by construction machines...we have to read him his danny dozer book about a million times a day. what a weirdo. uncle mark, take him to that place in mapunapuna and he'll be your best friend forever!

shopping

today i told dave that i wanted to go shopping because my clothes suck. most of what i wear is at least a few years old, minus maybe two new pieces from this year. i have also resorted to wearing tshirts to work a lot, which is something i never imagined i would do.

so we went to old navy because i kept seeing the commercials for $9 dresses. i found one. nothing else.

went to charlotte russe, guess, everblue casuals...nothing.

i have several problems when it comes to shopping. first of all, i have a hard time spending money on clothes. if something costs more than $15, i totally don't want to buy it. sizes are a problem. having post-baby fat is also a problem. trying to shop with two kids in tow also doesn't help. being 31 and not feeling anne taylor-ish, but knowing that forever 21 isn't really age appropriate either is another problem.

shopping just used to be a lot more enjoyable ten years ago. oh well.

baba-less

lol. my mom went home for the week so we're baba-less. caleb has been trapped in her room with her after we read to him for the last couple weeks, so i'm not quite sure how bedtime is going to work tonight. after we finish reading and close the door to their room, i can hear him laughing up a storm and always find him in a different sleeping place than the one i left him in the next morning. he seems to quite enjoy the time in there with baba and often doesn't sleep until after dave and i are sleeping.

i'm thinking i'll read to him and put him to bed...and bring my binder in there and correct some work until the boy falls asleep. we'll see.

brynna had her first dentist appointment today and handled it like a champ. i wasn't there because today was tash's junior prom so i took her to get her makeup done. dave took bryn and said that she didn't cry at all, and totally let the doctor examine, brush and scrape her teeth. dr said that brynna will probably need braces since she already has buck teeth. her jaw is just too small for all the teeth that need to go in there...she has dave's mouth, caleb has mine. so his teeth may not need braces like hers, but his jaw and alignment will probably be all jacked up. i think the buck teeth and braces are better than what caleb will probably have.

another difference between caleb and brynna....caleb is deathly afraid of my oldest nephew. i'm not sure if it's the size, tattoos or what, but he seriously gets frightened when my nephew is around. brynna, on the other hand, marched up and examined him upon seeing him to day...and even smiled at him. lol. so funny.

my omg for the day...i was in the kitchen with caleb and he was at the fridge looking at his letters and pointing them out...which is normal...except that this time he was saying, "z, zzzz", "v, vvvvv," "i, irrrr" (kay, i dunno where that one came from). we have not started phonics with him so all i can say is, yay tv and yay alphabet toys. lol.

talking and formula

so i finally found the post about caleb's first word....it was from february 2010. that means caleb was already 14 months before he said his first word. he didn't progress very quickly with talking, but thankfully he didn't need to do speech or anything like that.

i'm wondering when brynna will start talking. i don't know if "no" counts as a word for her, because she says it randomly, even though it often does seem to fit the situation. she also says "mummum" when she sees her food, but i don't know if that counts as a word either.

we're thinking she'll start talking sooner than caleb did just because she has his example to follow and she's a girl (naturally smarter creatures...lol). my mom said i started talking at 14 months (and wouldn't shut up since then...). i'm not sure how old dave was when he started talking.

we're almost done with the last of our formula. if i really wanted to, i could go back and find all the receipts and figure out the staggering amount of money we spent on formula. sheesh. thank goodness we're done with buying formula. now we just have to figure out how to have enough room in our full fridge for two gallons of milk...one whole milk, one 2%.

on a much happier note...

we took the kids (and tash and my mom) to windward mall today. okay, not the smartest idea seeing as how rain was predicted and the windward side is always extra rainy anyways, but we hadn't been there in a long time and it's always good for some cheap fun.

ate lunch at the food court and then headed to the pet store for some free entertainment. tripped out at the fat hairless guinea pigs...a couple must have been pregnant and it just looked beyond nutts.

then we headed to the play area, where about a million and one kids were playing. brynna actually stayed in there for a lot longer than caleb did...caleb was much more interested in looking at and sitting in the mechanical car thingies and looking around in fun factory (or whatever that game place is called). my mom and tash cruised around in borders until we met up with them again.

before leaving i wanted dessert so we stopped at ben and jerrys and i got to eat some ono coffee ice cream (even if it ended up in me having sore stomach, it sure was worth it!). brynna and caleb got to eat ice cream too, which they were thrilled about.

here's what's hard with brynna these days...she loves her independence and is not scared of leaving us behind. caleb would always turn around and look for us and make sure we weren't too far behind. brynna, on the other hand, turns around to look at you but with a sneaky smile on her face and then she turns back and jams it as fast as she can away from you. and when you try to pick her up or grab her hand and lead her where you want to go, she isn't having it. she wants to go her own way. goodness.

anyways, windward mall, like always, was fun, cheap, and entertaining. i love it there.

dammit, kid!

last night, after not taking a nap during the day, caleb fell asleep while eating his dinner...literally. he hadn't taken a bath or brushed his teeth, but i put him in bed and prayed he would sleep for the rest of the night.

he woke up at 2 a.m. brynna also woke up at this time and it was my turn to feed her so i was up. caleb and dave left the room and i distinctly heard caleb telling dave that he made stinkies.

sometime after that, caleb is back in my room, at my bed, telling me he wants milk and that he made stinkies.

dave is passed out on the couch.

i change caleb's diaper and get his milk and go back in my room, leaving him in the living room with dave.

soon caleb is back at my bed, asking me for more milk. i tell him to go tell daddy and roll over.

he comes back, asking me for milk. i tell him again to tell daddy and he says "NO."

frick. get him more milk, and also wake dave up and give him a piece of my mind.

of course, by this time, i'm no longer able to go to sleep.

finally, at 5, caleb falls asleep on the couch and leave him there to go back to sleep in the comfort of my own bed, where dave is, of course, passed out.

then brynna freakin' starts crying again. i put her on our bed and she goes back to sleep and so do i...finally.

let me tell you, i'm praying hard for a much better sleep tonight.

new stuff

brynbryn is drinking half formula, half whole milk now. doctor said she might start drinking less now that she's on the whole milk, and to continue offering her solids, but maybe more "gravy-ish" stuff since she's not loving the dry stuff yet. she is definitely not the eater caleb was, and it shows in her size. for the past two nights she's done a better job of sleeping...well, she still wakes up twice to drink, but that's better than 3 or 4 times, which she was doing when her tooth was coming in. hopefully when she's on whole milk fully she'll dwindle down to one waking, then none.

holy smokes, the rain just started coming down...choke!

caleb is getting more aggressive with his sister...he used to just give up whatever toy he was playing with if she came around and bothered him, but not anymore. now he hits her hand away or pulls the toy from her. he's always been very gentle and loving, but now we can see him start to get annoyed by her and he doesn't realize how little or unbalanced she is so it's kind of scary. of course, brynna wreaks havoc on him a lot too, so i guess it's "fair."

caleb has abandoned his bed for the past week or so. he's now sleeping on the folding mattress on the floor between his bed and baba's. he was having difficulty with staying in bed and exhausting us by having to be returned to the bedroom a million and one times, so one night my mom just closed the door to her room with the two of them inside and made him go to sleep in there. he cried, knocked on the door, and had a little fit, but eventually he fell asleep. now we read to him, say goodnight, and close the door. for a couple of days he cried and pitched a fit, but now he's getting used to it and knows the door will be closed.

tomorrow's friday and i'm exhausted. monday and tuesday i felt pretty good and rested, but from weds on i've been tired again. too bad it's not a long weekend...but at least next week is a short week...

what to do?

so the same gouge my eyeballs out kid from the last post drove me to the point of utter frustration again yesterday.

he comes in to class, the period after lunch, and asks me to use the bathroom.

i ask him what he was doing all during lunch and tells me, "i was at the courts!" with a look on his face like, duh, what else would i be doing, that's why i couldn't use the bathroom, let me go now!!!!

i look back at him with what i'm sure is a pissy, incredulous face, and tell him no.

he continues to ask us again and again if he can go and we continue to tell him no.

we get into doing our classwork and when there's about ten minutes left he asks again. i tell him to do one more part of his assignment and then i'll let him go (after all, when we talked to his mom about his frequent bathroom use, she told us that he has peed his pants in elementary because of not getting to use the bathroom...whatever...). he finishes the part i told him to and i tell him that he has until the big hand reaches the 5 to be back and if he's not back by then he'll never be allowed to go to the bathroom again.

he runs there and back and gets to the class in time....with a wad of new gum in his mouth.

admin has been making announcements about no gum chewing so i've written big on my board "NO GUM CHEWING!!" the other kids, of course, are quick to point out that he's chewing gum. i'd had it already so i just take out a referral and start to write a very detailed account of his behavior the entire period.

seriously...i dunno what to do and how to handle him. he's gotten cracks from his stepdad to try to get him to behave, his mom is informed of his behavior, he's supposedly on meds...i dunno. i'm sure a big part of it is me...i'm tired of him and so everything he does gets me completely riled up. thank goodness i don't have that class today so at least i have a little reprieve.

on another note....a kid in that same class kept piping up and making inappropriate comments to this kid cuz he's so irritating. so as i tried to talk to him and tell him that he's only getting himself into trouble for making inappropriate comments, he proceeds to tell me that he's in english class, and he's speaking english, so how can i scold him. for real????

this is why pins classes DON'T work.