Night #4

Fell asleep in the car as we were driving Tash home...when we got home, I put him in the crib...he slept for just a little bit, then his head popped up and he was smiling at me like it was morning time...I left him in the crib, went to do dishes and bocha, and when I came back, he was still up, looking around...

After a little bit, he went to sleep...on his own. When I checked him, he was sleeping, but he had managed to pull down a bear that is on the side of his crib...so I'm thinking we have to take those down so he doesn't suffocate himself.

Woke up at around 2:30 and I promptly shoved a paci in his mouth...slept until 6:15, when he got up to eat...

Today we're going to start him on a meat combo...doctor told us to do the meat combos instead of just the meat cuz it tastes gross....so we got him sweet potato/turkey since I figured it was at least part of something he already likes. So for breakfast today he'll have sweet potato/rice, lunch sweet potato/turkey/rice, and dinner sweet potato/turkey/rice...

His doodoos have been good again since taking out the carrots.

He seriously wants to crawl and starts to get frustrated when he wants to move but can't.

Taking him to the library again today to get his prize for the Summer Reading Program...then we might head out to Kapolei Library since I heard it's beautiful.

Dave's mouth is still bothering him...he wakes up in the morning with an aching jaw and headache. Hopefully that gets better soon...at least no more bleeding, though his gums are swollen and he has cold sores from where they traumatized his mouth while pulling the teeth...that sucks.

Night #3 Continued....

1230ish...Caleb wakes up, screaming, and we wait it out...he screams for 6 minutes, then goes back to sleep...

230ish...wakes up whimpering again and I quickly shove a paci in his mouth...don't want him screaming and waking the neighbors....

445...wake up screaming again...we decide to feed him...dave feeds him and he goes back to sleep...i sleep too cuz i'm hecka tired after not being able to sleep good after his 1230 cry session and subsequent wakings...plus, dave is snoring like a maniac and since his teeth were pulled i can't push his face roughly so there's nothing i can do to make him stop...sometime after the 230 one i moved to the other room in an attempt to get some sleep...

Night #3

8:20 p.m...just started crying. he just finished his 6 oz....ate 3 T at breakfast, 4 T, at lunch, and 4 T at dinner, plus 26 oz of milk...first time we fed him three meals instead of two

8:28 p.m...went to wash dishes....in the time it took me to do the dishes, Caleb fell asleep...wow. that's all i have to say.

OH HALLELUJAH!!!!

Caleb slept from the end of his crying fit until 6:00 a.m.!!!!!!!! Continuously!!!! I didn't sleep the whole time, of course, because I had to go in to check to make sure he was okay...and I couldn't believe it!!!! WOW!!!!

Night #2 of the CIO...

8:15 p.m...caleb is in his crib already...he drank 5 oz of milk and was on the bed chillin' but started to rub his eyes...he's tired!!! fell asleep while eating his dinner tonight...in between bites! he took a 2 hour nap and a 50 minute nap today, then a catnap (about 20 mins) while eating...we'll see how this goes!

**on a happy note, though, his 50 minute nap was good...he went to sleep by himself after fussing for just a little bit...

8:17...he's mumbling...and i'm gonna go bocha...oh, he just started crying...

8:28...pau bocha...i could hear him over the shower...vigorously screaming...

8:38...still whimpering, but not screaming...

8:39...caleb is quiet...hugging his pillow!!! and almost sleeping...

8:42...sleeping! we'll see for how long...and now dave and i have to decide if we're going to him when he wakes up wanting to eat...

worst night of my life....nah, not of my life, but for a while....

So Caleb went to sleep at about 10:00....

Woke up at 12:50, crying. Drank 6 oz and went back to sleep.

Woke up at 4:45, crying. Let him stay in crib hoping he would go back to sleep...after 15 minutes in which the crying turned to yelling and shrieking, we picked him up and tried to feed him.....he ate 3 oz, then started screaming again. We think it was his stomach...because after being carried for a little while, he pushed out some doodoo that was a little more solid than usual.

Went to sleep with me on the bed in his room, then woke up again at 6:30...seemed like his stomach was sore. At 7:00 he made a big load of crap...which came up the back of his diaper and out onto the blanket he was on.

Dave didn't sleep well at all because he kept having to change the gauze because his teeth holes were still bleeding...I didn't sleep well at all because of waking up for Caleb and stirring when Dave got up. As of right now, Dave has yet to eat since lunch yesterday...luckily he is not like me when it comes to food and still peaceful and contentedly playing baseball. Were it me, I would be hella grouchy and having a tantrum. The worst it got was last night at about 1:30 when he couldn't stay up any longer but didn't know what to do because the teeth holes were still bleeding a lot. Plus he was getting a headache...luckily there hasn't been much pain or swelling of his mouth, though.

It's going to be a rough few days...I'm going to need intravenous Diet Coke pumped into my system and tons of prayer for patience and perseverance...

9:13 p.m....Caleb has started crying...

9:25 p.m...still vigorously screaming and crying...we peeked in but didn't go to him, since we think it will only make him angrier...

9:32...no letting up on the shrieking...and Dave's pulled teeth are still bleeding so he wants me to run out to buy him more gauze...but I feel bad to leave Caleb, even if I am leaving him in his crib...crying...screaming...can't Dave go by himself??? Lol...no, I should go for him...

9:51...went to Longs and came back...Caleb is still SCREAMING...poor guy is going to lose his voice from yelling so much...

9:55...it got silent....then I sneezed, and he started crying again...but it's quieter...and now it's silent...

9:58....he's sleeping...for now...

So...reading in my Ferber book...Caleb doesn't fully fit the descriptions of kids in there who need sleep help. For example, the closest one talks about a girl who wakes up several times throughout the night and needs her parents to rock her to sleep each time...also, to be put to bed, she needs to be rocked. There's another one who needs the parent/s to be lying down with her/him before going to bed, and then when waking in the night, needs the parents to do that with him again.

Caleb needs to be held to go to sleep, or needs to be in close proximity to Dave and I on our bed, then moved to his crib...and then he wakes up once at night (usually...never more than once, sometimes he'll go until 4 or 5 a.m.), is fed, and promptly goes back to sleep. He has learned a sleep association of being held before sleeping...which I guess is what we're trying to eliminate, so that when he wakes up in the night, he can go back to sleep on his own. I'm still confused about the waking for feeding, though. It's not like he does it often, only once per night, and when he does wake up, he's not just snacking, he's drinking his 4-6 oz...so I dunno if that's something we want to eliminate or if it's something that he still needs at this point. He's being fed about 4 T of solids at breakfast and at dinner...depending on what he's being fed, he'll eat all or less. He'll drink about 25-30 oz. per 24 hours.

So, we're going to try to teach him to fall asleep on his own for the next few nights. The only thing that sucks is that we're going to Maui on the 3rd, so his sleep schedule is going to be a little off then, and then we'll have to get him back on track again once we come back. I gave out the letters and a little candy to the neighbors to warn them that they might hear vigorous, intense crying for the next week or so at bedtime. We'll see how it all goes, and how much crying I do in the next few nights too!

Eating...he's had sweet potato, carrots, peas, and is now on green beans. Besides the sweet potato, he's not too fond of the other ones so far. Carrots seemed to make him a little bit constipated...he had hard doodoo and didn't make a good poop until we gave him sweet potato again. He hates peas and isn't doing too good on green beans. Those are the four veggies we've given him so far so today I want to go to the store and see what else there is. Haven't tried poi yet, either...I guess that counts as a veggie, right? After veggies, doctor said to start him on veg beef and veg chicken mix. Then after that's good...we'll move to fruits, then combos for b, l, and d.

He really likes to sit up now on his own...can't get to that position by himself, but will sit for a long time when we put him there. Still doing the rocking on the knees and seems to be getting frustrated that he can't move the way he wants to.

His drooling is beyond nutts...but his top teeth haven't come in yet. He wants to gnaw on everything these days and rubs his ears a lot...which according to the book could be an indication that he's having pain as his teeth try to emerge (no ear infection, I'm pretty sure).

Needs another haircut before we go on our trip...it's funny cuz the top is okay, but the sides are starting to stick out so it looks weird.

Off to Costco now to put gas and buy chicken. Dave gets two teeth pulled today so that's going to suck...two babies cuz I know Dave doesn't deal with pain well. I'll feed him Caleb's leftover peas, green beans, and carrots...yea right...he'd refuse any mention of vegetables.

It seems like everybody and their mother has an opinion regarding what should be done to get Caleb to sleep in his crib...to fall asleep on his own...to stay asleep throughout the night. This past week it seems that Caleb's sleeping has taken a turn for the worse...his naps have become struggles and his bedtime has become unpredictable.

Previous routine...put him to sleep, either after his last feeding or by rocking him, put him down in his crib. If he cried, we picked him up and rocked him back to sleep again. Most nights he'd sleep through...some nights he'd get up and need to eat.

Current routine...feed him dinner at around 7-8 (depending on his last bottle). That seems pretty late, but he's usually not hungry prior to that and I don't want to feed him dinner at 4 or 5...that seems too early. Bocha him at around 8:30ish, then take him into his room, play his lullaby cd, and lie down on the bed with him. Read him a couple books, let him roll around. When it gets to the time when he's rubbing his eyes and starting to fuss, we'll take him to our room, put him in our bed, and lie down with him...in about 10 minutes, he's out, with no help from us other than being by his side. After about 20 minutes, we carry him to his crib and he's out for the night (or, if he didn't eat enough throughout the day, will wake up and need to drink a bottle and then go back to sleep). In the morning, after his 5:30 or 6:30 bottle, I throw him back in bed with us and we all sleep for another hour or two. This routine has been happening for about 4 days.

Now all I've been hearing (or maybe it just seems amplified because of my struggle with it), is, "You gotta let him cry it out." This means, put him in his crib and let him cry...even if it takes 30 minutes or more of vigorous crying. Now I've been looking up information on what exactly "crying it out" entails...and it's basically that you follow your bedtime routine, then while still awake, put Caleb in the crib, kiss him goodnight and reassure him that we're right in the next room and that it's time for him to go to sleep. Then, walk out, let him cry. Okay, so we've tried this a couple times...and it has gotten to the point where I end up in tears, questioning how letting him scream in terror and confusion can be compassionate. How does that show him love? How does that teach him that we, as his parents, are going to take care of his needs? How does that help him feel secure, loved, and not abandoned? After a good 30 minutes of vigorous yelling, crying, screeching...I've picked him up.

So, in some eyes, that means we've failed. We've failed as parents, as disciplinarians, as guides to making Caleb understand that we mean business when we say it's time to sleep. We've failed to persevere through his crying; we're teaching him that if he cries long enough, we'll come and get him, so the next time he'll cry even longer because he knows that we will give in.

Is this failure? I asked Dave, are we hurting Caleb by letting him fall asleep peacefully, soothingly, in our bed? Are we creating a foundation that will continue to result in "giving in" to what he wants? Does him falling asleep with us and then being moved to his crib damage us or him? Does it teach him that he's loved and cared for, or does it teach him that he can take advantage of our perceived "weakness"?

I look at Caleb...I look at him when he's in the throes of desperate crying, yelling, screeching...and I hurt. I am not strong in this...I commend mom's who have done it, and wonder when I'll have the strength to do it too. I'm sure I'm not the only first- time mom who has ached when told to let their baby cry it out. I feel like my job is to be Caleb's protector, his comfort, his unconditionally loving mother. I want to raise him to be a loving person, who knows the difference between right and wrong...I'm not a hippie mom whose philosophy is to let him explore his boundaries on his own and not set any for him, but I also am not the iron-fisted mom, whose philosophy is to rule with an iron-hand and heart.

So what do I do? I pray, and believe that this, like every other difficulty we've faced in our 6 months of parenting, has already been laid out for us and we just have to figure out how to handle it. I'm researching too...tomorrow I'll go to the library and learn just what the "crying it out" method entails...the philosophy behind it, and the way we can use it to lovingly teach Caleb how to sleep on his own. And then, I'm going to draft a letter to my neighbors, and hope that the cops aren't called when we finally figure out how to let Caleb "cry it out."

flying!!!

what is this??

yay, it's my bottle!

After three successful days of sweet potato, we were on to peas...which didn't go quite as well. I'm hoping it was just that his appetite was down due to his shots...but he just didn't want to eat as much as he usually eats. And I tasted the peas...they taste like mashed up peas...which isn't very ono...

We'll try peas for two more days, then move to carrots. He should have some interesting colored doodoos for the next couple days.

So we tried our bedtime routine...bocha'd him, put on the lullaby music, fed him, put him on the bed in his room with us...and he cried...and cried. So we picked him up...and he cried, and cried. Took him out to the living room...he calmed down. Put him on OUR bed with us lying down next to him...bruddah was out in like ten minutes...with NO help from us. He turned his head this way and that...scratched his fingernails on the sheets...scooted down a foot or so...the knocked out. What the heck??? After about 2o minutes (he was deeply sleeping by then...snoring), Dave carried him from our bed to his crib. He's now been in his crib for about 3o minutes...so Dave and I are going to brush our teeth and get our butts in bed cuz we know he's going to wake up and need to eat sometime soon.

Today was Caleb's 6 month dr. check up. He's 26 3/4 inches, 18 lbs 9 ozs, and his head is 17 in something...I can't remember. Dr. said we'll see his weight increase start to ease up now that he's becoming more active and burning off the calories. He also told us that after the vegetables we can start veggie/meat combos...and that he should be eating food-food 3 times a day, 5-10 tbs. per serving. That's good...cuz Caleb can eat his rice and sweet potato, about 7 tbs. worth, easily. He still has some of that tongue-pushing out relfex going on, but is getting better about opening his mouth and swallowing.

Dr. Sumida had to pull his dingding skin back again...apparently, I need to be able to see the ridge around his dingding when I pull back the skin...if I don't, I'm not pulling it back far enough. Poor guy. At least it didn't look that bad as the last time. Dr. also pulled some yucks out of his ear...it's so gross. But it's not like I can do it, cuz I'm not sticking anything into his ear like that...Dr. has a special tool he uses and he quickly pulls what looks like scabby dirt balls out of his ear.

Right now our challenge is getting him to be able to sleep on his own...when I was home with him during the 3rd quarter, I got it to where he could be put down when he was sleepy, turn on the blow dryer, and he'd go to sleep in about 5-10 minutes. No more...he fights us...he doesn't want to sleep, first of all, then when he finally exhausts himself and does fall asleep (with us carrying him), he'll start to fuss and cry immediately after being put down, or even while we're putting him down. My mom tried to the whole "crying it out" thing...but after he wailed non-stop for 30 minutes, even she picked him up. Then I put him in bed with us, where he played for a little bit and then fell asleep. He's very physically needy, like me...I know that he finds comfort in having me right next to him...he'll touch my face or hair or arm and that will soothe him to sleep...but is that a habit I want him to learn? I told Dave that starting tonight our bedtime routine will be as follows...8:45 p.m. bath time...9:15 in the bedroom with lullaby music and bedtime stories...we'll lie down with him in the room until he falls asleep and then move him to his crib. Eventually we'd like to eliminate the lying down with him part...I just don't think the crying it out works for me, or for him...he gets so riled up and then starts to have separation anxiety problems, so that when he does fall asleep again, he knows when we leave him and will start crying again.

Separation Anxiety...He's been doing that even when he's playing...if he's on his jumperoo or on the living room floor, if we leave his sight, he starts to cry. He also knows the difference between me (and Dave) and strangers. He'll start to cry when a new person, especially a new male, approaches or carries him. He'll get over it, but that newness scares him for now. I know it makes people sad cuz it feels like he's rejecting them, but that's just the stage he's in now.

Right now he's lying on the floor...Dave just changed his doodoo diaper...the doodoo is getting more interesting as he eats more real food. It isn't as bad as I thought it would be yet...

That's all for now...lol...gotta keep this journal updated so I can remember all of his milestones!!!

Day Three of Summer!!!! Yay!

On our first day of summer we went to school...not to work, just to socialize with Aunty Shirley, Aunty Leisha, Aunty Deena, and Kahia. Didn't do much other than that...

Day Two we had great accomplishments....scrubbed down the kitchen AND the entryway (I don't know what else to call the rest of the tiled part). Feels sooo good on my feet now, and my goal is to keep it clean with the wet swiffers twice a week. Now that Caleb is getting ready to crawl, I'm going to need to be vigilant about keeping the floors clean! After chores (Dave helped by vacuuming the living room and clearing out unnecessary junks in the entryway!), we called up Lanj and went to go see the twins. They're SOOOOO cute!!!!! It's interesting to see the development in the babies...Alia is gonna crawl soon...she's quick!!! And Bree is sooo pinchably fluffy like Caleb!

Day Three...dunno what we're going to do today...I suppose I could attack the bathroom and get that sparkling clean too. Right now we put Doubt in so my mom can watch it and we can return it to get our next Netflix.

Caleb's been a little fussy butt lately...I'm hoping it's because of his teething...he wants to be held and his eating pattern is all out of wack...he's crying more and more and not just whimpers, but violent, tearful crying! He's such a cutie at other times, though...he really smiles a lot and interacts. He's getting onto his knees now, but hasn't figured out moving from there to crawling yet. His problem is that he's always either chewing on his hands or has his hands clasped...he hasn't gotten the shoulder-width apart stance down yet. He's getting better at sitting unassisted now...and will even balance upright for a few seconds at a time!

On Sunday he makes 6 months!! That's a trip...it seems so long and ago, but then also just like the other day, that we brought him home and had the hellish first few months...lol. Now we're actually anticipating getting pregnant again! I'm sure with the financial crisis we're all in and the possibilities of furloughs and all that, having another baby might make it tough, but I figure, eh, it's all good. We'll figure it out somehow. My scripture this past week was that if we wait for the perfect time, we'll never get anything done...

Haven't written for a while...been so lazy and busy with end of the year school stuff. Soooo much more to do, so little motivation. Oh well.

Caleb has been kind of cranky in the evenings again. He'll do pretty good with eating and sleeping during the day, then when we get home from work he doesn't want to eat or sleep...but then he gets super cranky and will cry, cry, cry. We think that it has to do with his teeth coming in on the top, but we're not sure. He likes to bite on everything and is enjoying his paci from the freezer. He doesn't do too well with other chew toys, though...he's lazy and doesn't like to hold it for himself.

Yesterday and today Dave stayed home with him. Yesterday he was really good...today, not so good. Dave called me at around 8:45 a.m. to tell me that he hasn't stopped crying...I could hear him in the background. He said he didn't want to eat, didn't want to be carried, didn't want his paci, nothing would calm him down. I told him to take him for a ride, but I guess he just let him cry himself to sleep. When I talked to him again Caleb had eaten, taken a nap, and was feeling better. Thank goodness. My mom isn't here right now so we're solo, which is why Dave is at home with him. His mom will watch Caleb tomorrow and Friday...I'm kind of worried because he hasn't seen them for a while since they've been in the Philippines so it might be hard for Caleb to adjust.

We're not sure yet what we're doing for Caleb's babysitting next year...I know I should be worrying about it more than I am, but I just don't have the energy right now. I'll think about it and worry about it and figure it out in the summer. We have a couple of options, I guess...maybe Leish's mom, maybe a student's mom, maybe force my mom to come back again! Lol. With the current financial crunch and probably furloughs and increase in medical, I'm not sure that me not working is going to be a feasible option anytime soon. Especially since our refinance thing is kind of hitting dead ends....we'll see. I leave that worry to Dave.

Anyways, pretty soon we'll be able to spend our whole day with Caleb...I think it's going to be super fun, then we're going to be super sad to have to leave him and come back to work. :-( Oh well, such is life. And then hopefully in a few months after we come back to work we'll start working on getting pregnant and starting this whole cycle all over again! Yay!