looking back at older posts about my breastfeeding woes, i'm actually surprised i stuck it out so long...lol, yea not really...the last time. i'm not breastfeeding at all this time...tried it in the hospital, eased up when the nips started getting blisters, and then when i came home i pretty much gave it up. so instead of sticking it out for a few weeks, like with caleb, i stuck it out for a few days. i'm trying to pump some out, and though my chichis feel a little bit fuller, the pumping yields about 10 ml each time. what that means, then, is that it will take about 6 pump sessions to get 2 oz, which is what brynna's drinking right now. pretty pathetic. i'm sure most ladies drip out more than i can pump out...garsh.

so physically, breasts are not cooperating again. mentally and emotionally, though, i'm a LOT better than with caleb. i'm not stressed about it, really, and i don't feel those intense feelings of disappointment and discouragement. if can, can, if no can, no can. i do still sometimes wonder how it's going to affect brynna later on...like, will she get colds more often, is she missing some kind of only-found-in-breast-milk nutrient, etc. i try not to dwell on those negative thoughts, though...

brynna is confused right now...she sleeps like a champ during the day...then is awake like a champ at night! last night, after her 12:50 feeding, she did not want to go back to sleep. she'd cruise in her bassinet for a little while, just enough time for me to get back into bed, comfy, and drowsy, and then she'd start fussing for some attention. dave got up and stayed up with her for about an hour while i slept...then i was up again with her until about 430. the thing with her is that she wants to be held...luckily, that soothes her...not like with caleb, who would persist with screaming his head off no matter what. i'm still waiting for the night she starts doing that...when nothing will soothe her and i start going out of my mind. i'm wondering if she'll be colicky like caleb was...and if she is, will it be easier to take this time around, or will it still be a hellish situation...

caleb is still very cute with her...he likes to snuggle his head against her and give her kisses...but he's a bit rough so his idea of "patting" her head is more like a little head slap. and "pointing" at her actually is a kinda rough "poke". we have to be super vigilant of him with her, but so far, so good.